Category Archives: Resources

How to Get a Mentor

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I’ve always felt kind of bummed that I have never had a formal “mentor”.

You know, someone to meet with me regularly in a discipling relationship…to challenge me and encourage me and model all those disciply things.

Even though it’s never been structured like that, John and I have both had mentor-types that have been hugely influential.  We’re really so grateful for amazing Jesus-followers we’ve learned from.  When we were out to dinner the other night I was struck by how often we quote what these older wiser folks have taught us!

About five years ago our daughter, Katy, was interested in finding a mentor and asked me what I thought. It’s certainly not an exact science, and affinity and timing are key, but I reflected a bit and came up with the following suggestions on how to get a mentor…

  1. Put yourself in environments where you’re around people who are living out a life of discipleship you find authentic and winsome (No, not Superwoman or Spiderman, just someone a little more mature in the faith than you are maybe)
  2. Identify several people (or just one) you admire and would like to spend time with.
  3. Invite each of the people out to coffee or lunch.  Tell them you’d like the opportunity to get to know them better and ask them some questions to learn from them.
  4. Before you meet with someone, think of questions you’d like to ask them.  Maybe ask them to share their faith story with you.  Or maybe what books have been most formative in their life?  How do they grow in their faith?  What is one big mistake they’ve learned from?
  5. After you’ve met with the potential mentors, decide if you’d like to ask one of them to enter into a mentoring relationship with more regular contact.
  6. Decide exactly what it is you desire from the relationship.  Some mentoring relationships are short-term, for a season, maybe focused around a particular skill.  Others are open-ended.
  7. When you meet with someone to ask them to be your mentor, be clear what it is you want from them and why.  What are your goals?  How structured do you want to be?  How often would you like to meet?  Even if they have to say  “no” for whatever reason, they will be flattered and you will have benefited from the time together.  If they say “no”, ask them for other suggestions of mentor-types they think it would be good for you to get to know.
  8. Remember there are many different kinds of mentors.  Think outside the box!  Book mentors, Skype, small groups, yearly retreats are all possibilities…

Do you have a mentor?  What have they taught you?

3 Sure-fire Ways to Get the Job

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My wonderful, wise husband graciously agreed to write another guest post, so today is a bit of a departure from Fearless Friday.  The purpose of this blog is to help us pay attention to the relationships, experiences and practices God uses to form us.  Certainly, hunting for a job can be one of those experiences.  So, here are some thoughts from John…

I’m  reading Proverbs these days, so my spiritual growth is more ‘out in the real world’ than usual.  For instance, I’m in the midst of interviewing/finding the right fit for 3 positions.  One thing that’s struck me is, “Boy, I wish I knew this back when I was trying to get a job”. As we talk and pray, drilling beneath the “right character, right skills, right chemistry” mantra that many of us use as a template, it’s so hard for people on either side of the interview table to “get it right”.  Since I’m sure many of you will be looking for different work in the near future (hopefully not sooner than you think!), here are some hard-earned lessons to navigate the seas of vocation.  Just three to start:

NOT THE RESUME, the Passion… we can pretty quickly discern skill-sets and experience, but these days I want to know ‘What makes your heart sing’?  Personal stories offer insight when they get beyond “I supervised 37,000 left-handed redheads.” I lean forward when I hear, “I found myself crying when the team broke up”, or a story of how you were used to touch one old person’s life, and THAT’S why you want this opportunity.  Don’t gush, but show some heart.

NOT THE SUCCESSES, the Learnings:  so tired of people who’s “weakness” is that they work too hard, or are never satisfied.  I want to hire someone who says, “I was embarrassed to find out that they ALL thought I talked too much; boy, did that change me”, or “I felt awful when we had to let this person go, because I never gave them a hint that they were hurting themselves.”  The lessons from our mistakes convey both self- awareness and humility, indispensable to a team.  Sure, you’ll talk about your strengths, but transparency shows you can grow!

NOT THE ANSWERS, the Questions: I want people who care enough about this job that they’ve done some homework, but I want to learn about them from their questions… so you better have some!  “What’s one key emotional attribute you look for on your team, assuming we can all do the job?”  “What’ve been the toughest things for people in this area/department/job to deal with recently?”  Recently, someone asked me, “You seem awfully level-headed; how will I know I’m in trouble if you’re not saying something directly?”  Our questions demonstrate the values we’ll bring through the door.

In a tough job market, it’ SO counterintuitive to say, but you’re far better off finding out what they REALLY want, rather than doing or saying anything to get the job.  We live in a world that cries out for both authenticity and impressiveness, so offer the best ‘you’ rather than a counterfeit.  The other day I hung up twice after a phone interview and said, “I don’t know if we can get this person, but THAT’S what I’m talking about!”  A 51-year old woman, and then a 32 year-old man, I’d be honored to work with either… because I feel I know their heart, and not just their resume.

Or as Proverbs 10:9 explains, “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out”.

Checking Jesus off my List

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Yesterday morning I tried to check Jesus off my to-do list.

This happens in seasons of stress and busyness (are there any seasons of not-stress-and-busyness??).  I check him off by giving Him a nod (Read: glance at a paragraph of a devotional or toss up a “bless so-and-so”).  Check.  Done.  Moving on to important stuff.

The thing is, when I do that, it’s kind of like being in the “fun” house at the circus.  Deadlines, people, circumstances become distorted like in those crazy mirrors – scarier than they really are.  My perspective is skewed.

I feel the fear of failure.

I feel the pressure of performance, not the presence of Jesus.

I miss the sacred moments.  I miss the small mercies to be thankful for.

But yesterday Jesus didn’t seem to want to remain as just a checkmark.  He graciously kept showing up in my day, reminding me that He goes before me and behind me (Isaiah 52:12b).

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Dance. Just for Today

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I’m tired of significant and meaningful and reflective.  I’m tired of seriousness and sin.  I’m weary of North Korea, and Congo and terror in Boston.  I want someone else to be responsible for today.  And I feel like a terrible human being admitting that.

Just for today I want to dance in the kitchen and hug my kids, and write a thank you note and eat fresh berries.

A friend of mine who works tirelessly for justice in the ugliest parts of the world was, at one time, on a sailboat in a lovely tropical port.  She said she wrestled with the incongruity, the unfairness of the situation.  Why should she get to enjoy such a lovely respite while so many are fighting for survival, enduring violence, and oppression?  How could she accept the gift that is her relatively privileged life?

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What do you do When it’s April in Minnesota?

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As I write this it is April 15th and I am sitting in Starbucks and it is snowing outside.

Again.

I’m convinced Hell isn’t hot and fiery.  It’s Minnesota in April when it is cold, dull steel gray and snowing. Still.

Eternally (it would seem).

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Inspiration in the Face of Trepidation on Fearless Friday

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I’m amazed at how fear can constantly raise its head in different guises.  Like Whack-a-mole, you clonk a fear mole of rejection, and a little fear mole dressed as change pops up.  You whack the fear mole of the future, and up pops the fear of conflict or provision, or significance.

Sometimes trepidation needs a little inspiration to encourage us when the moles seem persistent.  So, here are a few resources on Fearless Friday:

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What are You Longing For? Bread and Wine, part 2

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There’s a fire in the kitchen fireplace and candles are still flickering, empty wine glasses wait to be washed and crumbs are on the wooden countertop – evidence of hastily bagged leftovers I urged friends to take as they wrestled into coats and boots to head home after our dinner together.

It’s 9:15 and John’s not home yet, and the snow is piled high outside my window.  The serving platters are empty, but I am full.

Here’s what I did.  Remember my little group of women than God totally orchestrated and drew together around what we thought would be a book study and then it ended up being about so, so much more?  A young single, a personal trainer/professional cheerleader, a stay-at-home mom, a social worker, a pre-school teacher…But “titles” are deceiving! Well, that’s the group that came over for dinner on a Wednesday night recently.  Shauna’s new book, Bread and Wine was our excuse for gathering.

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Heather, who’s newly engaged and also a fan of Shauna’s writing, made the Bacon Wrapped Dates and the Dark Chocolate Sea Salted Butter Toffee, and I made the the Green Well Salad, and Risotto because I never had and we have one gluten-free gal and I knew everyone would forgive me if it didn’t turn out.

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Before the evening arrived I asked my friends to think about a question from Shauna’s chapter, “Enough” – Have you ever longed for something?  What helped you through that season of longing?  What are things that prompt discontent in you?”

We all (except maybe Heather) loved the bacon wrapped dates, and those who are Risotto vets kindly said I did it “right”.  We over-dressed the salad, and never got around to talking about the specific question I had thrown out, but none of that really matters, like what you watched on T.V. last night doesn’t really matter.

What matters is how we hugged and laughed and said what’s important.  We oohed and ahhed over Heather’s new engagement details.  We celebrated with Molly who was leaving the next day to visit her daughter who’s studying in Italy, and we looked into the eyes of another asking about the Hard Thing.

What do you long for?

We never asked that question, but we answered it with our hearts and eyes and ears all night.

Isn’t “community” one of the answers we’d all give?  I love the way Shauna writes of this:

“We don’t come to the table to fight or to defend.  We don’t come to prove or to conquer, to draw lines in the sand or to stir up trouble.  We come to the table because our hunger brings us there.  We come with a need, with fragility, with an admission of our humanity…The table is the place where the doing stops, the trying stops, the masks are removed, and we allow ourselves to be nourished, like children…Come to the table.”

This coming to the table takes courage, but like our little band of intrepid women and our couples’ covenant group, and the families we’ve done life with over the past 25 years have discovered, it is the place where God serves up true soul food and your longings are met in Him and through His people.

Come to the table indeed.

Bread and Wine, part 1

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First, a Disclaimer:   I was totally predisposed to love Bread and Wine, Shauna Niequist’s newest book, coming out in a couple weeks.

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Shauna’s mom is a dear friend of mine.  And Shauna’s faith journey has been similar to one of my daughter’s so she’s the one I sent desperate emails to, begging for advice during a clueless season of parenting.

Also, I’m crazy about Cold Tangerines and Bittersweet – her first two books – which I think are lovely and insightful.  Her just-right word pictures and conversational style and authenticity inspire me as a writer.  In fact I love her writing so much that I have this uber paranoia that someday I’m going to write something and it’s going to inadvertently be a phrase she wrote that I liked and swirled around in my brain so much that eventually I thought it was mine.  And she’ll call, and be like, “Uh, Laura…” and I’ll be mortified.

So, with that disclaimer out of the way, let me say that Bread and Wine is totally wonderful, but a little different.  It is a collection of essays about the meals that draw us together and what they can teach us.  Included with almost every chapter is a recipe.

What is different is that it is a smidge more of a food writer’s book than I expected, but don’t let that deter you.  The warm and honest Shauna who reflects on faith and not being perfect comes through.  I definitely think you should buy the book and savor it and throw a party or a shower.  Or bless someone with  a pan of “Annette’s Enchilada’s”.

Many will read Bread and Wine, and as they do, breathe a sigh of “Oh, Phew!  I’m not the only one!” as Shauna revisits some of the pain she’s written about in her first two books.  Her authenticity is what draws readers in.  It’s a gift.

However there are also many, many lists of friends and food – a devoted community gathered around lovely meals.  You may read this book and be tempted to think, “Oh, I love Shauna!  I want her life!  But I will never have friends like that or meals that flow so naturally with laughter and meaningful conversation!”

Don’t.

Don’t go there.

Be inspired, but don’t let this book suck you into a comparison game that leaves you feeling like you can only truly exist vicariously through a hip young mama with a life lived large.

Instead, do what Shauna suggests, and celebrate your own.  Use it as a chance to gather some old friends (or invite some new ones) together and crowd into the kitchen, and try out some recipes.

“Here’s what I want you to do: I want you to tell someone you love them and dinner’s at six.  I want you to throw open your front door and welcome the people you love into the inevitable mess with hugs and laughter.”

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If you’re not a foodie (or even if you are) don’t take yourself too seriously.  If you get it wrong, be prepared to laugh and figure it’s a good story you’ll tell someday.

If you are a foodie (or even if you’re not), remember it’s not about the food primarily.  The recipes are wonderful, but they’re an excuse and a putter-at-easer…a means to creating a nurturing space conducive to community.  So be intentional.  Make it about more than food.  Use the discussion questions at the back of the book or make up your own.

I’ll share Wednesday about what happened around my table…

What do you See on Fearless Friday?

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I have a lot of favorite passages in the Bible, but some of the best I think are those that show God at work in unseen ways.  Kind of like pulling back the curtain on Oz, but this is the real deal.

One story I especially love is in 2 Kings 6 when the Arameans have surrounded Elisha and his servant.

The servant sees only the enemy, but Elisha sees more.  He sees God.

Elisha says “Don’t be afraid.  Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” Then he prays that his servant’s eyes might be opened. 

“The Lord opened his eyes and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.”

I love that!  Voila!  The servant was able to see the protecting power of a heavenly army who had been there, but hidden from his sight.

Sometimes we just need a little help to right-size our view of God.

What are you seeing most clearly today?  Your fears or who’s fighting for you?

I hope this video is a fun reminder things aren’t always what they seem.

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Fearless Friday and Refinement

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It’s only been 3 weeks and I already want to change my One Word.                                       Maybe “change” is too strong, but “refine”?  Yeah.

My word is Fearless.  But when I say fearless I don’t mean the opposite of timid or fearful.

I mean “resolute”, “secure-enough-in-God-to-proceed”.

I think “undaunted” may be better.

Undaunted is a “nevertheless” word.  One that throws “but God…” in the face of “but what if?”

I think one of the reasons I’m so enamored with the word “undaunted” is because I recently read Christine Cain’s book by that title.

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